if you believe in astrology, you should lead with an apology

if you believe in astrology, you should lead with an apology. looking to the stars for answers as to whether a person having the same toothpaste tube for several months is alarming or just them being frugal is a perfectly good use of the stars. looking to the stars and questioning why a man holding two belts was asking you if you knew where the nearest ralphs was and calling you clueless when you told him "no" is the exact reason the stars exist. looking to the stars and shouting, "why did my biology textbook from high school refer to humans as egg bearing beings" is why the stars are there for you. looking to the stars and begging for forgiveness for the one time you gave someone a can of beans as a gift because it was literally all you had to give, but now you're better off and could give more is precisely why the stars never disappear. looking to the stars and asking why she waited to pack her bags in the middle of the night and say she was going for a "quick run" when she could have just done it while you were at work, is why the stars always listen but never answer back. it's not that believing in astrology is wrong, it's just that believing in astrology is almost never right. this is why i always say, "i'm sorry i believe in astrology, do you mind if i scream at the stars for a minute."