list of excuses for not having my pie at the work party tomorrow

it's 11:32 pm and i just burnt my pie for the work party tomorrow. i have really done it this time. when nellie asked us who would take brad's spot in bringing the pie since nobody has heard from him in forty-seven days, i thought this would be the perfect opportunity to show i can bake a mean pie myself. i can't let them know that i can't actually bake, so now i need an excuse as to why i don't have a pie at tomorrow's work party.

list of excuses for not having my pie tomorrow:

• look them all in the eye and repeatedly say, "pie?"
• call in sick with constipation 
• "somebody stole it off my windowsill"
• "i thought brad was bringing the pie"
• "i know we said pie, but how about a few boxes of animal crackers?"
• "a clown got a hold of it and pie'd someone"
• "i think marsha in accounting ate it" (sorry marsha)

as i weigh my options, i am beginning to think i may need to just pull a brad and disappear. updates to come.